You Keep Me Hangin' On
by addictedtowriting
Summary: I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Addek, because they just own on so many levels.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Yes, another story. I honestly can't help it. Ever since that horrible finale, I've just been on an Addison/Derek writing spree (go figure). So, I hope you guys like it. This is the first part, I'll probably add the second part in a couple of days. Enjoy and review!**

_set me free, why don't you babe  
get out my life, why don't you babe  
'cause you don't really love me  
you just keep me hanging on_

_why do you keep a-comin' around  
playing with my heart  
why don't you get out of my life  
and let me make a brand new start  
let me get over you  
the way you've gotten over me, yeah_

_You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde_

**You Keep Me Hangin' On**

"Does Weiss like chocolate cake, Sav? Or maybe I can pick up an ice cream cake. Does he like ice cream?" Addison asked as she blew up balloons.

"Chocolate's good. I should run out and buy some cake mix for-"

"I'll do it. I don't mind."

"You sure? You look exhausted, Addison."

Addison pretended to be offended, but instead she just shrugged it off. "It's fine. I wanted to take a walk anyway. So, chocolate cake? Vanilla frosting?"

"Sounds good."

As Addison grabbed her purse and headed for the door, Sav's voice stopped her.

"Thanks again for helping me with this, Addison. I know how tired you are, but it means so much to me."

Addison merely smiled and walked out the door.

---------

By the time Addison reached the grocery store, a light rain had begun to fall. The rain always reminded her of Seattle. And Derek. The rain always managed to remind her of Derek. These days, everything seemed to remind her of him. Meaningless things, like the rain, and Central Park. He had always loved to run in Central Park. She figured it was a place where he could just forget about work, even if it was only for a mere twenty or so minutes.

Addison made her way through the store until she found the cake mix. Tonight was Weiss' thirty-eighth birthday, and she had volunteered to help Sav throw him a party. It had seemed like a good idea at the time to volunteer, but now Addison couldn't hide the fact that she was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. She had been putting in extra hours at the hospital, which only meant that she hadn't slept in days. Mark wouldn't stop chasing her. And on top of all that, she was divorced. She had left Derek three months ago after she had found out about his "episode" with Meredith Grey.

As she reached for the cake mix and frosting, she saw a figure out of the corner of her eye. When she turned to look, she didn't gasp or scream, which he probably expected her to. She just stood there and watched him.

"Hey, Addie," he said as he walked closer to her. He looked different. Maybe it was because there wasn't a fish in his hand, or a sad expression on his face, but he looked different. Changed, even.

"What do you want?" The words came out colder than she had intended them to.

"I came here for Weiss' party. Savvy invited me."

Addison tried to hide the look of shock on her face, but to no avail.

"You didn't know I was coming?"

"No, I didn't. But it doesn't matter now, because I wasn't going to the party anyway," she stated defiantly as she walked to the registers.

"Oh, is that so?" he replied smugly. She could hear the grin in his voice.

"I'm just going to drop this stuff at their apartment, and then I'm going home."

"I'll come with you."

Addison laughed bitterly as she paid the cashier. "Wouldn't you rather be home with Meredith? She's probably waiting for you in an exam room somewhere."

She expected him to get upset, to defend the intern, or to do something. But he merely smiled at her.

"I'm not with Meredith. I'm over her. I want you."

Addison waited until they were outside before she replied. "Now you want me? After you lied to me? After you told me you were "working on it", when all you wanted was her? After you told me you guys were "just friends", when you were just waiting to fuck her?"

She was screaming now, but she didn't care. The rain continued to fall, and a streak of lightning illuminated the hurt look on Derek's face. When he didn't reply, she rolled her eyes and continued.

"I'm over you, Derek. You hurt me, and you broke me. There's nothing to worry about though, because I'm fine. And for the first time in five years, I'm happy. I'm sorry you had to spend all those months in Seattle with me, because I know it killed you. It fucking _killed_ you to be with me. So leave me alone." She managed to take three steps before he grabbed her wrist and turned her around. She tried to pull away, but his grip on her was too strong.

"I'm not letting you go. Not again. I know I was an ass back in Seattle, and here in New York. I let work become my first priority, when it was supposed to be you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had sex with Meredith. It meant nothing. I'm sorry that I'm such a jackass. And I'm sorry that I haven't treated you the way you deserve. I love you. I love you so much it hurts."

She looked down, and willed herself not to cry. She tried to convince herself that this wasn't real, that she was dreaming, or that he was putting on an act. But when she looked into his eyes, she knew he meant every word he said. And it was killing her. _This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to come for me._

"It's too late for apologies," she managed to reply before she ran away.

---------

She didn't bother hailing a taxi to take her back to Sav's apartment. She ran instead, just because it felt so good. It felt good to hear the pounding of your heart and the sound of your feet hitting the ground. Addison was grateful she wore sneakers today, instead of her usual four-inch Louboutin heels.

When the door to the apartment opened, the party was in full swing. Music was blaring from the speakers, and the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. Addison looked like a mess, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to stay long. She found Sav and Weiss in the kitchen.

"Happy birthday, Weiss," she greeted as she gave him a hug.

"Thanks, Addie. Thanks for helping Sav with everything. She really appreciated it."

"Oh, it was nothing," she replied with a fake smile. Addison noticed Sav looking away guiltily. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Her friend looked up and nodded.

Once they had some privacy, Addison let loose.

"How the hell could you invite Derek here? Without telling me?"

"How do you know-"

"Because I saw him at the grocery store! The _grocery store_, Sav. You know I've been having a hard time dealing with everything, but still, you went behind my-"

"He wanted to see you!" she interrupted.

"Wh-what?"

"He loves you! He's been calling up every other day, asking how you are. I told him about the party, and he begged to come. He was desperate. What was I supposed to do?"

"You should have said no, Savvy. That's what friends do. And he's lying, because he doesn't love me."

"Keep telling yourself that, Addison."


	2. Chapter 2

_you say you still care for me  
but your heart and soul needs to be free  
now that you've got your freedom  
you wanna still hold on to me  
you don't want me for yourself  
so let me find somebody else_

_get out, get out of my life  
and let me sleep at night  
'cause you don't really love me  
you just keep me hanging on  
'cause you don't really need me  
you just keep me hanging on_

_You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde_

**Chapter 2**

Two hours and eight glasses of champagne later, Addison finally stumbled out of Sav's apartment. She hadn't wanted to stay, but the thought of Derek possibly waiting for her at the brownstone and Weiss' persuasion had convinced her to. The party had been great, and Addison realized that she hadn't been to a party, a real party, in ages. Probably since before her marriage had started to fall apart.

As she watched looming skyscrapers zoom by from inside the taxi, she couldn't help but think about Derek. Why had he really come back? Did something happen back in Seattle? Did he really want her again? And most important of all, did she want _him_?

Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the cab pulling to an abrupt stop. Addison paid and fumbled in her purse for the keys to her apartment. When she finally reached her door, she noticed the lights were on. She hadn't left them on.

Upon opening the door she was hit with the sweet smell of cinnamon candles. They were everywhere. She gasped at the twenty-something bouquets of red roses scattered throughout her living room. As she bent down to smell them, she couldn't help but feel tears prick at her eyes. Derek had used to do this. Back when they were living together. She would come home from a night at the hospital and find flowers everywhere. Tulips, daisies, gardenias, every flower imaginable. But for some reason, Derek had stopped doing it after they were married. Maybe because his caseload at the hospital kept growing, or the fact that Addison spent more time with his best friend than she did with him. Whatever the reason, she missed it. She missed it so much.

"Do you like them?"

She turned around to see Derek leaning against the wall.

"I love them. But don't think this makes up for anything, because it doesn't."

"I know. How was the party?"

She sat down on the couch and began to untie her shoes. She couldn't believe they were actually having a conversation. Maybe it was all the champagne she had consumed, but she couldn't think of a reason to kick her ex-husband out. It didn't seem like a good idea.

"Oh, it was great. I got to see some old friends, and Weiss really seemed to have a good birthday. It was fun."

"Good." He paused, looked down at this shoes, and continued.

"I didn't mean to scare you. Coming back here, I mean. I just, I needed to see you."

"Why? Why did you need to see me? Did Meredith go back to Finn, is that it?" She was surprised she wasn't screaming. It was too exhausting to scream, so she instead opted for a defeated tone of voice.

When he replied, she realized he was kneeling in front of her. "She picked me. But I couldn't do it. I came back because after you left, I was miserable. I didn't know what I would be losing until I lost it. What I did with Meredith, it wasn't supposed to happen. I regret it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week-"

"I think I get it, McDreamy," Addison interrupted.

Derek smiled at the use of the nickname, and continued. "The truth is, Meredith couldn't replace you. She couldn't even come close to you. You're smart, you're insanely gorgeous, and you have this uncanny ability to cheer me up when no one else can. I'm sorry, Addie. I'm sorry for everything. I need you. I love you."

"I just need to know one thing."

"Anything, Addison."

"Why did you stop noticing me? Why did you constantly cancel out on me? What made me so insignificant, Derek?"

"You weren't insignificant, Addie. I just-I wanted to be a good surgeon-"

"You already were a good surgeon."

"But I felt like I had to keep working to prove that. Prove to everyone that I was talented. I wanted to be Chief of Surgery so badly that, I don't know. I lost it. I really lost it."

"You certainly did," Addison teasingly replied.

Derek laughed, and placed his hand on her knee. "So, what do you say Addie? Want to give it another go?"

The pleading look in Derek's eyes made her want to say yes, but she knew she couldn't. Not just yet.

"I love you, Derek. You know I do. You know how vulnerable you make me. You know that you have this effect on me. And as much as I want to give it another try, I need you to wait. Just wait for me."

"How long?"

"I don't know. I want to be able to forgive you before we move into anything."

"Richard expects me back in Seattle tomorrow."

"Do you want to go back?"

Derek couldn't keep the grin off his face. "No way. I want to be with you."

Addison smiled before she responded. "I'll probably regret this tomorrow, but I honestly can't help myself."

Before she could think about what she was doing, her lips were on his. It felt so familiar, the way she wrapped her arms around his neck and the way she moaned as he parted her lips with his tongue. When they pulled apart, they were both on the floor, breathing heavily.

"How'd you get in here, anyway?" she asked between breaths.

"I still had my key."

"Well, don't ever lose it."

"I won't," he promised as he gave her another peck on the lips.

"Now what do we do?"

"I'll call Richard tomorrow. I'll ask him if I can stay for another couple of weeks. He's a reasonable man, he'll agree to it."

"Sounds good."

"Addie?"

"Yeah?"

"I can sleep here, right? You know that I'm not a hotel kind of guy."

Addison just laughed as she bopped him on the head with a pillow.

**A/N- K, I know that sucked. I just wanted to post it before school started, that way I wouldn't forget. So yes, I'm sorry for this sucky last part. Hopefully by the 21st, you'll forget all about it :P **


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